Other more contemporary responses allow handshakes to spare the other person embarrassment. Almost all of these opinions say that if you see someone regularly, you should explain the laws of shomer negiah so you don`t have to shake hands every time. Some authorities prohibit the return of a handshake, also so as not to embarrass the other person. These include Chazon Ish,[29][30] Yaakov Yisrael Kanievsky,[31] Moshe Stern,[32] Yitzchak Abadi,[33] Sefer Hasidim (who even forbids the wearing of gloves),[29] and Yosef Hayyim. [34] According to Rabbi Getsel Ellenson, author of a number of books on women and mitzvot, Rabbi Feinstein`s words do not directly prohibit shaking hands, but they do reflect reservations about the idea that the handshake has become a mere „polite formality.” It is undeniable that a handshake is one of the most important gestures of Western civilization. A good handshake is considered a sign of good character, and the gesture is considered a universal symbol of trust, agreement and coming together. If you are comfortable with this guy, you may want to hear his explanation. I am sure he is used to receiving these questions from students. You can then suggest that he do something that one of my Orthodox rabbinical friends did recently during an emotional trip to Poland with teenagers, many of whom needed constant support. When a girl looked sad, he would approach her and give her a card that said „Cuddle.” The girls enjoyed it (although the boys had real hugs).
There`s no reason why a card can`t also say „handshake.” And for the casual tire pickup game, how about a card that says „High Five” (I don`t think a flying chest shot would work). Rabbi Feinstein gives the advantage of doubt to those who give up his hand, explaining that they seem to think that it is not derekh khiba v`taavah (דרך חבה ותאוה), but concludes that such an indulgence is difficult to leave. [35] Although Feinstein did not address the mitigating factor of saving the other person from embarrassment and did not directly state that the return of a handshake is prohibited, it is generally accepted that R`Moshe prohibits the return of a handshake, even so as not to embarrass the other person. [36] This is stated very clearly in one publication. [37] Rabbi Yaakov Kamenetsky also suggested that there might be room to be lenient in this situation. [38] It may be time to avoid these difficulties by abolishing the handshake altogether. After all, we`ve all experienced sweaty, limp, or crushing handshakes (and the strange feeling of imposture when we start shaking hands in early adulthood). Maybe it`s time to orient yourself to the Japanese and bow instead. The gesture is also short, respectful and can contain many nuances. Nevertheless, it has been said on behalf of prominent rabbis at Yeshiva University that one should not fully engage in a handshake, but one should not shake tightly.
His hand must be „helpless” and as if the other person initiates and completes the full action, his hand being the innocent spectator. Acting as such avoids the embarrassment and/or loss of a business while allowing one to remain within the framework of halacha (Jewish law). [46] Rav Moshe Feinstein has a well-known responsum (Iggros Moshe EH II:14) in which he addresses men sitting alongside women on crowded transportation such as subways and buses. He decides that such involuntary contact is not of a loving nature and is therefore allowed. He points out an important exception: if you do it intentionally because you love it, then it`s forbidden. This is an important principle: things that are allowed are only allowed because you don`t get a sexual sensation out of it. If a particular person feels a sexual thrill of sitting next to a person of the opposite sex, a handshake or a haircut, then this would be considered derech chibah (a loving gender) for that person, even if it is not the intention of the other party. Whether halakha allows a man to shake hands with a woman (or vice versa) is controversial.
Opinions range from saying that it is forbidden for a man to return his hand to a woman, even if it would embarrass him, to saying that turning a handshake is allowed to avoid embarrassment, but not differently, to saying that shaking hands is perfectly allowed. The ethicist therefore advised him to break his own solemn promise in order to punish the agent for observing rules that he considered divinely prescribed, but which the ethicist confidently dismissed as merely „sexist” and „offensive.” A common – but far from universal – practice is to accept a hand when offered by a person of the opposite sex who is unfamiliar with Jewish practice. This is done so as not to embarrass the other person, which may seem strange. Because if someone offers us non-kosher food, we must not eat it so as not to embarrass them! The difference is that there are a lot of grey areas in this area. Not only is there a question of whether the law is biblical or rabbinic in nature, but there are also differing opinions about how loving it is to shake hands, some authorities consider it „business only” and not like it at all. Thus, while it is not the normative orthodox practice to jump straight to the handshake, there is room to be lenient in extenuating circumstances. (However, if it is an ongoing business relationship, it is advisable to counsel the person about their own religious practice.) It should be noted that some authorities, such as Rabbeinu Yonah, consider any form of physical contact between the sexes to be prohibited, so the definition of handshakes as loving or not in their opinion would be questionable. The issue of the handshake by Orthodox Jews has already made waves in the media. In a controversial column, Randy Cohen, then author of the article „Ethicist” for the New York Times, once condemned an orthodox real estate agent`s refusal to shake hands with a client. Cohen compared gender segregation to the „separate but equal” politics of the Jim Crow era, noting that „labeling offensive action as religious doesn`t do things right.” He advised the offended client, a self-proclaimed feminist, to tear up her contract with the broker in light of her ideology. (Cohen doesn`t address the implication that a handshake can be interpreted as a precursor to sexual contact; obviously, he didn`t take into account the initial excitement some people feel when closing a real estate deal in New York City.) In 1962, Feinstein answered the question to shake hands: „To the extent that you have seen pious individuals shaking hands with each other offered by women, they may think that it is not an act of love, but it is really difficult to rely on it” (Igrot Moshe, Even Haezer, Vol.
I, 56). The laws of the Negiah are generally followed by strict Orthodox Jews, with varying levels of compliance. Some Orthodox Jews follow the laws with strict modesty and take steps to avoid accidental contact, such as avoiding sitting next to a member of the opposite sex on a bus, train, plane, or any other similar situation. Others are more forgiving and avoid only targeted contact. Followers of Conservative and Reform Judaism do not abide by these laws. Many Orthodox Jews believe that there is ample room for clemency and that strict adherence to these rules inhibits development and prevents social success and ultimately undermines well-being. Others understand that the rules clearly refer to sensual touch.